“When they’re little they sit on your lap; when they’re big they sit on your heart.” ~Susan Engel The New York Times, Published: November 28, 2012

Thinking about the connections of family and friendship should be easy, right?  I guess my husband and I were totally naive throughout our parenting years. As a young couple expecting our first child, we had all sorts of dreams, plans, and of course lofty ideals.  First and foremost was that our child would be healthy in body and mind. Counting fingers and toes was not paramount; having a child that would one day be able leave the nest and fly on its own with success and happiness was our hope. We had also envisioned being incorporated in our child’s adult life as a form of mentor, friend and support system. Not wanting to dictate how they should live their lives but to share our experiences as a practical guide.  With my husband’s ear to my swollen belly as our child grew stronger every day gave us a sense of being and determination to practice an honorable lifestyle so that our child would always be safe and would be able to face the cold cruel world with confidence. 

Several years after our first child was born, being still a young couple we were expecting again. With those same hopes and ideologies as with the first one, but this time with a stronger determination to be a life force in their existence. For we had developed a bond, a friendship was formed with the children and it was breathtaking.

Four years after the second child was born, to our surprise a third child was expected. By this time we were seasoned parents, proficient with diapering, feeding, cleaning and nurturing. We thought how wonderful, we were excited to add another to the mix. What we did not take into account while expecting the first child is by this time there would be a great deal of worries that went along with raising children. That worry was always rearing its ugly head as fevers, cuts, bumps, hurt feelings, insecurities, finances etc... came with guiding a child into adulthood.

As the children flourished into their own personalities, we were pleased at how they got along with each other, feeding off of each others strengths and weaknesses and becoming friends. We continued to live honorably; granted we were far from perfect with plenty of flaws and short comings, but what we continued to convey to the children is that they were loved, accepted and that home was a safe place where they had the freedom to be themselves.

Happily they all grew to their teen years healthy and strong, but most significant their own selves, with diverse interests and visions. As parents we guided them to pursue what their hearts’ desires were and doing our best to help them select a possible future.  With continual grooming them for adulthood, we were encouraged to anticipate them as our life-long friends; one day as not solely our children but our equals.

Well they are adults now ages 27, 25, and 21 all three married. Two are expecting children of their own, which is exciting. But reluctantly we confess we don’t feel that warm fuzzy feeling of friendship as we thought we would. Possibly we need to put more time between us we tell ourselves and cling to this so we are not yet disheartened. Families are merely for visiting is the message we are given, however we didn't get the memo and are rather stunned.