Becky Poem

I wrote this poem the year Becky graduated High School and was married in 2006. This was my mixed thoughts of the my fears, joys, and apprehension of having my daughter grow up. A line or two are reminders of one of our favorite books to read together called "MANNERS - It makes a person nice to know."

BECKY
"I'm doing something" is all you said
Blonde hair tousled and cheeks all red
Your chubby fingers peeling the bark
Up in the tree house until it got dark

If we could peek inside your head
Hear everything you might have said
Those normal thoughts of good and evil
Your memories with a quick retrievel

If we could sneak some items there
Like Never Worry and Always Share
Maybe, Don't Be Disappointed can fit in
And of course Please Don't Ever, Ever Sin

A list of pleasantries would be quite neat
Like Please, Thank You and Take My Seat
Manners makes a person nice to know
Whether they be friend or they be foe

Surely we'd like to remove from your brain
Yesterday's hurt, losses and terrible pain
Tomorrow's inevitable what ifs and cruel regrets
Mostly today's self-doubting and constant frets

Having dreams a plenty, sprinkled with desires
Nestled in your heart when one day it requires
Supplied by us, so you are never in lack of
Attentive to catalog and wise to keep track of

What perfectly wonderful parents we'd be
If only being a Mom & Dad could be the easy
Protecting you from having a broken heart
Keeping away the faults right from the start

What an awesome power, you can believe it
Too big for us, we trust He can relieve it
His love is endless and the promises true
Privileged are we for His desire to pursue

We can handle the kisses on the cut and the bruise
Share the joy when you win and give the hug when you lose
Joining in your songs and enjoying your laughter
Hoping you'll have the chance of Happy Ever After

A New Map

Well here it is another quiet Sunday afternoon. It was very humid when we walked out of the church building onto the parking lot towards our car. We quickly turned on the air conditioner for relief. Headed home thinking about what I would make for lunch. I used to take a head count and an egg count when Sundays came around. Would there be just three, six or seven of us. We always had enough to eat and of course plenty of coffee. Today just Chris and myself thinking we might enjoy a sedate day of listening to the different birds chirping, the distant cow mooing, or the quick rain falling on the roof. The kids are somewhere doing their own thing and that's the way it should be. I think back when we were their age and how everything we did as a young adult was fantastic. Everything we tasted or viewed was worth living for. I wondered how Chris' parents coped or if my Mom every took notice. We have such a bound with our children that they are our favorite people to be around. Their absence has caused us to lose our bearings and we will need to set our sights on a new journey. We'll figure it out, just need to draw up a new map.

Baby Dream

Wow! I had a very strange dream early Wednesday morning 6-23-10. I got up around 4:45 am and did what most people my age do at that hour. When I went back to sleep I had a dream. I dreamt that Chris and I were taking care of a baby. The baby seemed about 9 months old and very large. I tried breast feeding it and it would not drink and it looked as if there was milk in the corners of it's mouth, as if it had eaten already. I was very distraught and said to Chris, "We don't have a crib, he doesn't have a name and he won't eat." The next scene is me in a mall and then at work. I then am seen frantically walking down the hall of a hotel to a room. As I am walking I am trying to think of a good name. I come up with a few but with the last name of my married daughter. I get to the room and the baby is in a dark brown cradle playing with a ball with beads rolling in it. It is attached to the bottom of the cradle and he is using his feet to move it. He looks bigger and I pick him up to attempt to breast feed him again. He falls asleep instead and I see the milk in the corners of his mouth as before. I wake up.

Realizations

Finally realizing that we are empty nesters was when my husband Chris and I climbed upstiars to check out the closets to get an idea of how the new closet might look downstairs. Walking into the empty rooms was heart wrenching. One room was completely empty and had a hollow sound as we talked, while Ethan's was exactly how he left it when he went off to Air Force basic training in San Antonio, TX. The other room was kind of cozy with the trundle bed all made up nice and neat. Ben's things were out and just some random items hanging in the closet, one being Becky's wedding dress in it's protective garment bag.
When we purchased our home in 1996 it was the perfect size for our family. We moved in with our 3 children Ben 11, Becky 8, and Ethan 5 years old. Also 2 dogs, and a very old cat. The house has 3 bedrooms upstairs along with an office/computer room and a bathroom. Downstairs is the large living room, eat in kitchen, laundry room, bathroom, and our bedroom. Each child had their own room and a bathroom to share (no working shower, but a toilet and sink). I think back and I'm glad that the kids had this sanctuary upstairs. Mom never came up unless she was missing something, like the stapler, glue, tape, etc... where she would yell up first and if no one answered she would climb the stairs and be on the war path discovering the messy rooms, the bathroom with 1/2 inch thick dust and dried globs of toothpaste in the sink. Then everyone would have to start cleaning. But for the most part Mom left everyone alone up there. Once in awhile she would get into a conversation about the evils of the computer, how searching on google the word "poop" was not such a good idea and encouraging them to get along. This was their domain, their time to be themselves, no matter how warped they may seem to the average adult.
I would drive to work wondering "why I was so sad?" Most others I would talk to who were or were soon to be empty nesters were glad. They had waited for this time to arrive with an all-embracing eagerness. I thought I was ready. I really wanted to be ready. I didn't realize what I was up against. NOTHING! A big fat nothing. All the while I was a Mom, I was planning. Planning something whether it be births, potty training, birthday parties, parades, concerts, holidays, graduations, and weddings. I have no more planning, that's why I am sad. I don't want to anticipate the future because it is so random, with too many variables and I am not in control of those 3 people anymore. They each have gone off and are doing exactly what they want to do. Isn't that what I raised them to do, isn't that what I wanted them to do?